ElysianState

Hello.

I’m a high school student who has for years, questioned whether the voice in my own head actually existed.

What do I mean by that?

I mean that the voice inside my head, my internal monologue, felt very distant sometimes. As if the “voice” that I heard inside my head was a projection of only a part of me. It might sound strange. I get it. But in a way, I thought that the voice often didn’t represent who I was, or who I wanted to be. I find that a little funny, because for as long as I can remember I’ve been using the voice to narrate my life to an invisible audience. Why am I pretending to be someone that I’m not to an audience that does not exist?

I asked myself that many times. For a while, I didn’t really have an answer. You might know about the “invisible” or “imaginary” audience. It’s a psychological state in which one believes that they are constantly being watched over (and judged) by those around them at all times. I still deal with this. The way I’d describe it is as if you were constantly running a stand-up comedy gig, except people laughing would be the worst thing possible.

The stress behind each of your actions feels multiplied when you think that every mistake you make, every word you say is being scrutinized by everyone around you. I began to think that this “projection” of my life to others (in my head) was what made my monologue begin to act the way it does. The fascinating part about this voice is how it differs from person to person.

Even as I’m writing this, the voice inside my head seems very overbearing at times. Is that weird to say? It’s just me, after all. I don’t know if evidence exists proving the strength, or “volume”, of a monologue, but studies have shown that 30-50% of the population has felt this sensation before. That really piqued my curiosity when I heard that.

It wasn’t really the first time, either. I learned a few years ago that my grandparents did not have a monologue in their heads. I couldn’t imagine that at all. Having a voice inside my mind speak out my thoughts had always felt like a natural part of life to me. Imagining that was like imagining seeing through the back of your head. Impossible.

If anyone is reading this, I want to ask you a question. Do you have a “voice” inside your head? If not, I want to move towards understanding how your mind functions on a daily basis. Is it simply words that cannot be formed in your head? Can you recall the sound of songs you’ve heard in the past? I just want to hear how YOU think.

I also wanted to compare benefits on both sides of the equation. I don’t mind having a monologue at all. It can be busy, but I often enjoy the rapid flow of thoughts through my mind, as if it keeps my brain active. Maybe that’s not you. The mental state in which you function best in differs for everyone. If there’s one negative I can name off the top of my head it’s a lack of focus when I really need it. When I “speak” in my head it’s almost like an observation of what’s going on around me, so that can easily lead to distractions and whatnot. I would really like to hear someone else’s thoughts on this. Just to take a glance at the other side of the wall.

I like to write. I don’t think I’m very good at it, though. I started a blog as a way to release some thoughts that were tough to bring up in actual conversation. Wouldn’t it be a little odd if I went up to a friend and started asking them about voices in their head?

I want to use this as a way to vent out thoughts on mental states and actions that surprise or interest me. I’m taking a psychology class currently and would love to share thoughts on what I’ve studied there as well. The name of this blog is “ElysianState”. You’ve probably heard of the word “elysian” or “elysium” before. If not, it originated as a paradise in Greek mythology where heroes and those who lived a righteous life would go. Today, though, it means a state of bliss or delight. When the mind is in a state of elysium, so is the human. We are only extensions of our own mind, after all.

Thank you for reading my ramble. Please, give me feedback. Any is appreciated.

Goodbye.